THE NEXT SURVIVOR SERIES!!!

THE NEXT SURVIVOR SERIES

Six married men will be dropped on an island with one car and 3 kids each for six weeks.
Each kid will play two sports and take either music or dance classes.
There is no fast food.Each man must take care of his 3 kids; keep his assigned house clean, correct all homework, complete science projects, cook, do laundry, and pay a list of 'pretend' bills with not enough money.
In addition, each man will have to budget in money for groceries each week.
Each man must remember the birthdays of all their friends and relatives, and send cards out on time--no emailing.
Each man must also take each child to a doctor's appointment, a dentist appointment and a haircut appointment.
He must make one unscheduled and inconvenient visit per child to the Urgent Care.
He must also make cookies or cupcakes for a social function.
Each man will be responsible for decorating his own assigned house, planting flowers outside, and keeping it presentable at all times.
The men will only have access to television when the kids are asleep and all chores are done.
The men must shave their legs, wear makeup daily, adorn themselves with jewelry, wear uncomfortable yet stylish shoes, keep fingernails polished, and eyebrows groomed.
During one of the six weeks, the men will have to endure severe abdominal cramps, back aches, have extreme, unexplained mood swings but never once complain or slow down from other duties.
They must attend weekly school meetings and church, and find time at least once to spend the afternoon at the park or a similar setting.
They will need to read a book to the kids each night and in the morning, feed them, dress them, brush their teeth and comb their hair by 7:00 am.
A test will be given at the end of the six weeks, and each father will be required to know all of the following information:

each child's birthday,

height, w eight,

shoe size,

clothes size,

doctor's name,

the child's weight at birth,

length, time of birth,

and length of labor,

each child's favorite color,

middle name,

favorite snack,

favorite song,

favorite drink,

favorite toy,

biggest fear,

and what they want to be when they grow up.
The kids vote them off the island based on performance.
The last man wins only if...he still has enough energy to be intimate with his spouse at a moment's notice.
If the last man does win, he can play the game over and over and over again for the next 18-25 years, eventually earning the right to be called Mother!

When I'm a little old lady....

Then I'll live with my children and bring them great joy

To repay all I've had from each girl and boy

I shall draw on the walls and scuff up the floor;

Run in and out without closing the door.

I'll hide frogs in the pantry, socks under my bed.

Whenever they scold me, I'll just hide my head.

I'll run and I'll romp, always fritter away

The time to be spent doing chores every day.

I'll pester my children when they're on the phone.

As long as they're busy, won't leave them alone.

Hide candy in closets, rocks in a drawer,

And never pick up my clothes from the floor.

Dash off to the movies and not wash a dish.

I'll plead for allowance whenever I wish.

I'll stuff up the plumping and deluge the floor.

As soon as they've mopped it, I'll flood it some more.

When they correct me, I'll lie down and cry.

Kicking and screaming, not a tear in my eye.

I'll take all their pencils and flashlights, and then

When they buy new ones, I'll take them again.

I'll spill glasses of milk to complete every meal,

Eat my banana and just drop the peel.

Put toys on the table, spill jam on the floor,

I'll break lots of dishes as though I were four;

What fun I shall have, what a joy it will be

TO LIVE WITH MY CHILDREN-LIKE THEY LIVED WITH ME!

-Author Unknown

A message from Gordon B. Hinckley

A quote from Gordon B. Hinckley, in the book, "Stand a Little Taller." This was today's counsel.

Avoid Criticism

And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity.

-1 Corinthians 13:13

Criticism is the forerunner of divorce, the cultivator of rebellion, a catalyst that leads to failure. I am asking that we turn from the negative that so permeates our society and look for the remarkable good among those with whom we associate, that we speak of one another's virtues more than we speak of one another's faults, that optimism replace pessimism, that our faith exceed our fears. When I was young man and as prone to speak critically my father would sat: "Cynics do not contribute, skeptics do not create, doubters do not achieve."

The Worst Packaged Food Lies

The Worst Packaged Food Lies
By Dave Zinczenko and Matt Goulding

If you want some insight into the food industry, take a stroll through your grocery store’s candy aisle. There, on the labels of such products as Mike and Ike and Good & Plenty, you’ll find what perhaps is a surprising claim: “Fat free.” However, it’s completely true—these empty-calorie junk foods are almost 100 percent sugar and processed carbs.
You see, food manufacturers think you’re stupid. In fact, their marketing strategies rely on it. For instance, it may be that the aforementioned candy makers are hoping you’ll equate “fat free” with “healthy” or “non-fattening”—so that you forget about all the sugar these products contain. It’s a classic bait-and-switch.
And the candy aisle is just the start. That’s why Eat This, Not That! Supermarket Survival Guide has scoured the supermarket to crack the packaged food labeling code—so now you can make sure you get exactly what you’re paying for. Never be fooled by misleading labels again!

The Organic Junk Food
Kraft Original Macaroni & Cheese
The claim: "USDA organic"
The truth: It’s organic, so it must be healthy, right? Not so much. For an extra 60 cents per box, consumers save 20 calories and 1 gram of fat. They also gain 2 grams of sugar, 1 gram of fiber, and 50 milligrams of sodium, and they lose 6 percent of their daily iron. The point is, even organic junk food is still junk food. Your body processes organic refined flour and powdered cheese the same way it does the conventional kind, so at the end of the day it’s still a high-calorie, low-nutrient letdown.
What you really want: If you must have mac, pick one with a label that reads like the recipe you’d use to fix it at home. Annie’s line of macaroni and cheese contains about 8 ingredients per box and cuts the fat by 72 percent over Kraft Organic. And to learn more about whether you should splurge or save when it comes to organic, check out "The Truth About Organic Food." In this economy, it’s important to know that you’re spending your money wisely. Sometimes, like in the case of this Organic Kraft Mac & Cheese, choosing the organic route may not always be the best use of your hard-earned cash.

The Fat Fake-Out
Smucker’s Reduced Fat Creamy Peanut Butter
The claim: “25 percent less fat than regular natural peanut butter”
The truth: Smucker’s has indeed removed some of the fat from the peanut butter, but they’ve replaced it with maltodextrin, a carbohydrate used as a cheap filler in many processed foods. This means you’re trading the healthy fat from peanuts for empty carbs, double the sugar, and a savings of a meager 10 calories.
What you really want: The real stuff: no oils, fillers, or added sugars. Just peanuts and salt. Smucker’s Natural fits the bill, as do many other peanut butters out there.

The Hidden Trans-Fats
Cheetos Crunchy
The claim: “Zero gram trans fats”
The truth: FDA allows manufacturers to make this claim when their products contain less than 0.5 gram of trans fats per serving. It may seem insignificant, but 0.49 gram of this nefarious fat can add up quickly.
What you really want: Keep total trans-fat intake to no more than 1 percent of total calories—about 2.5 grams per day for most adults. That means reading the ingredients list (especially those that proclaim to be trans fat-free), and looking for “partially hydrogenated,” “shortening,” or “interesterified.” For a trans-fat cheat sheet, be sure to avoid any of the items on our list of the 10 trans-fattiest supermarket foods.

The Unnatural Fruit
Nutri-Grain Strawberry Cereal Bar
The claim: “Naturally and artificially flavored”
The truth: While the FDA requires manufacturers to disclose the use of artificial flavoring on the front of the box, the requirements for what is considered “natural” and “real” are not strict: Even trace amounts of the essence or extract of fruit counts as natural. So yes, there is fruit in this bar, but it falls third in the ingredients list, behind HFCS and corn syrup.
What you really want: An honest snack with nothing to hide. Lärabars, one of our favorite snacks in the aisle, are made with nothing more than dried fruit and nuts.
The "Health" Food That Isn't
Healthy Choice Sweet & Sour Chicken
The claim: “Healthy Choice”
The truth: A company can call itself whatever it wants, but that doesn’t give credence to the name. Healthy Choice even provides a handful of nutritional stats—430 calories, 9 grams fat, 600 milligrams sodium—to back up the name, but they neglect to mention the 29 grams of added sugars used in this dish. The 6 different sweeteners in the ingredient list combine to give this less-than-healthy choice almost the same amount of sugar as a Snickers bar. Many Healthy Choice selections are reliably nutritious; this is not one of them.
What you really want: Dinner that doesn’t taste like a bowl of ice cream. While fat and calories are important considerations in everything you eat, be sure to read the fine print. Companies with healthy label claims often pull the bait-and-switch, going low in fat but then elevating the sugar or sodium to up the flavor quotient.

The Vitamin Vacuum
Kelloggs Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Pop-Tarts
The claim: “Good source of 7 vitamins and minerals”
The truth: Five of the 7 vitamins and minerals are derived from this product’s first ingredient—enriched flour. That’s the code word for “refined flour that’s had nutrients added to it after it’s been stripped of fiber.”
What you really want: A breakfast without the nutritional profile of a dessert. Studies show that people who opt for high-quality protein (eggs, yogurt) over refined carbohydrates (pancakes, bagels, Pop-Tarts) lose weight faster and maintain higher levels of energy throughout the day.

The All-Natural Disaster
7UP
The claim: “All Natural Flavors”
The truth: The FDA doesn’t have a definition for this claim. Case in point: 7UP now boasts that it’s made with 100 percent natural ingredients. That’s because they’ve switched from carbonated water to filtered water, from citric acid to natural citric acid, and from calcium disodium EDTA to natural potassium citrate. Got it? Here’s the kicker: The soft drink is still sweetened with high-fructose corn syrup, which can’t be made without the help of a centrifuge.
What you really want: A healthy choice, like lemon and seltzer. 7UP’s tactic is employed primarily by companies making junk food (see also: Natural Cheetos). Considering that the calorie counts are nearly always identical with their “unnatural” brethren (in the case of 7UP, calories and sugar counts are the exact same), concentrate on the bigger issues and find reliably healthy drinks and snacks.

The Cheeseless Cheese Pizza
Mama Celeste Original Pizza
The claim: “Original Pizza”
The truth: Ever had a pizza without cheese? Well, if you eat this one you will have, since Mama Celeste doesn’t use a single shred of real cheese in making this problematic pie. What does she use? Imitation mozzarella, which is the second ingredient on the list and is composed mostly of partially hydrogenated soybean oil, endowing each serving with 5 grams of nasty trans fats. Also watch out for the attachment of the word “flavored,” as in “strawberry-flavored”; it’s a surefire sign that the product is utterly fruitless.
What you really want: Cheese, strawberries, or whatever you think it is you’re getting. If the name or flavor in the food’s title isn’t one of the first few ingredients, find another product.


URL: http://health.msn.com/nutrition/articlepage.aspx?cp-documentid=100237732&GT1=31036

Need a Laugh?

My mom sent me this in an email and I just had to post it. I had a good laugh I hope you do to!

Hospital charts Actual Notes From Hospital Charts
1. The patient refused autopsy.
2. The patient has no previous history of suicides.
3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
6. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.
7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
8. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
9. Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.
10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
12. She is numb from her toes down.
13. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.
14. The skin was moist and dry.
15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.
16. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
17.. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.
18.. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.
19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
20. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
21. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
22. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
23. Skin: somewhat pale but present.
24. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.
25. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities

Win!

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No one is in charge of your happiness except YOU! Take a minute to enjoy the ride, click on link.

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